In high school, before I had ever thought twice about the environment, I participated in a car wash fundraiser for the Asian American Club. We were using conventional suds. A woman pulled up and voiced her concern over the toxic suds we were using. She claimed they would flow into the bay and kill fish. I didn’t know how to respond. I certainly felt a twinge of guilt, but what could I do anyway? I was certainly not going to stop the entire car wash, nor try and convince the leaders of the project to switch their entire supply of suds to something else. I simply thought she was a crazy fringe hippie.
When I look back to this time, I see how little effect those words would have on someone who is simply not in a receptive mindset. Now that I am environmentally awake, I’m tempted to be just like her, warning everyone on the street of the toxics they use everyday.
But I don’t.
I never tell someone they should change their lifestyle because I read a study that showed how toxic their soaps and shampoos are. I don’t tell them to buy organic, recycled, GMO-free, or nothing new. One might think I’m not truly passionate about the environment, if I’m not taking every opportunity to convey the truth. How could I be a true environmentalist and let it slide?
I see now that this view is too simplistic, and does not acknowledge the rich depths of human complexity. I am very passionate, that is my natural state of being. I don’t wish to speak for the sake of proving my passion. I speak for a different purpose: to be heard. I wish to inspire real change. And real change never happens easily – it is full of complexity.
I have never told my parents to think sustainable. I simply asked for them to accept my desire to do so. Now, they are intrigued by my passion. They have reusable bags, participate in their new citywide composting program, buy organic more frequently, send me articles about sustainability, have welcomed my offer to replace their lawn with native grasses, and have maintained their cultural practice of saving all containers and jars for reuse. It truly, deeply moves me to know that I had even an inkling of influence on their lifestyle, that I am the reason they are growing their awareness.
Since I don’t preach in real life, my outlet is virtual. I have preached here on my blog, and I hope to change that. My true intent is to inspire and teach, to send a message from my heart – a place of love.
I’d like to know, have you preached sustainability to your friends or family, or anyone else?
What was your best experience in influencing another person?
Photo by marcusrg
i’ve never been a particularly preachy person, however, i AM a passionate person (aries) and a truth-seeker and for a long time wanted everyone, my family included, to see all the truths i was seeing: being gay is ok, being buddhist is ok, being a vegetarian is ok. this was a tall order for my very southern new orleans, catholic parents. i learned over time (in the words of deb talan of the weepies) not to “push so hard against the world…you can’t do it all alone and if you could would you really want to? even though your a big strong girl…” and then more recently, becoming a mom, it hit me hard – the more i preach the less they listen. the biggest and best tool in my toolbox is modeling. i haven’t once said the words, “we buy locally” to my kids. and yet, they know where most of their food comes from because we had backyard hens and visit farms. i think you are right on about this – passion is contagious. preachy is not. awesome post. thanks.
I also wanted everyone, including my family, to see all the truths I saw – I argued for being gay even when I was straight. Perhaps I was asking too much. That’s great your kids can learn from your example! Thanks for your input.
Pan Freak, I am very moved by your comment here. I SO agree with this: “the biggest and best tool in my toolbox is modeling.” I was just telling Lynn that speaking/living by example is often far more potent than words. It is something I also have learned. Thank you. Also I loved your honest story here.
I am eagerly following your getting off the internet posts. I’m am author and looking for ways to happily unplug. After living years in the wild, I have little attachment to internet, don’t own a cell phone or TV by choice, but my work in online. So I read your posts and they confirm what I too have felt and done. Thanks!
Hi Lynn.
Great evolution here Lynn.
These days I dare not even ask people if they’re vegetarian in a vegetarian restaurant, even though it’s the change I’m passionate about.
I believe that the most influence a person can have isn’t though the information in their heads, however accurate – but through their state of being.
It’s moving past the ego, of being right, better, or simply ‘good’ into a state where you are equal with everyone else – because no matter how it looks on this planet, we all definitely are. When we get over ourselves we can start to live life again, breathe, be normal (even if we’re ‘not’) and make friends with *gasp* the ‘muggles’.
Seasoned changemakers are more likely to simply smile if you push them for information on their lifestyle and choices. But somehow they get to more people.
Thanks, Ali!
I like the idea of influence through ‘state of being’. I aspire to be the seasoned changemaker you describe.
Ohhhh….all those high school car washes to raise funds……..even now, I cringe when I pass signs on the road for local high school car wash fundraisers. I’m always tempted to write to the school’s environmental club’s adviser. But, like you, I don’t. I blog. I lead by example. I do ‘inform’, not ‘preach’ to my friends. I stealthily use the , “….but it saves you money” angle.
I also think it’s a lifestyle change, so I try to lay on the “it’s not that bad when you get used to it” spiel. I try to be polite about it and not make anyone feel bad or guilty. Sometimes, subtly works better than being forceful.
Haha yes, I also use the ‘saves you money’ angle, especially for my parents. I think polite and subtle is much more powerful than forceful and in your face.
Back in high school I used to preach to my friends about being vegetarian. I chose a vegetarian diet because I felt that it was the best thing I could do for the environment, and I wanted to get other people on board. I think all it really did was annoy them, so, as soon as I realized that, I stopped preaching. If people asked me why I was doing what I was doing, though, I had an articulate answer for them.
My best experience influencing someone came a few years later. I was at a week long swing dancing camp near Seattle with a group of friends. By the end of the week, one of my friends told me that he didn’t think he could eat meat anymore after spending a week with me and seeing how I ate. It was awesome. I really believe that the people you can reach will get there faster if they come to it on their own. And they will come to it on their on.
That’s a good point – we shouldn’t preach, but we should definitely have an articulate answer prepared for the right moment. Thanks for sharing your story – it’s really amazing to hear how inspiration happens in the most unlikely times.
Lynn,
This is such a terrific question and I think you have found the perfect solution: “My true intent is to inspire and teach, to send a message from my heart – a place of love.” I know I can be a “know-it all” sometimes. And no one likes that. I’m fully with you in moving my intent to expressing from a place of love without judgment.”
Thanks for this inspiration.
Sandra, I totally fall for the ‘know-it-all’ syndrome! I am always afraid people will think me stupid, and I overcompensate by sharing too much of my knowledge. Thanks for your input!
What a beautiful post Lynn and one that certainly resonated with me. You have created a perfect virtual outlet to share with others. You never sound preachy -always full of love and acceptance-regardless of where others are on their ‘green’ journey. Thank you for that. I try to never be preachy-I don’t think that will get me or anyone else anywhere. Living my life the way I do is my way of preaching-I put it all out there for others to observe and adopt, only if they so choose.
hey lynn,
i have to often remind myself to get off the soapbox…ive been doing that less and less, thank goodness. i realized preaching usually had no effect or did the exact opposite — pushed people away from what i really wanted them to get closer to. when i turned vegetarian for environmental reasons then social and political reasons and then again for health reasons, i tried to push it on my sister. she wanted me to shut up. one day i asked her to come see a documentary with me, The Cove, and she willingly tagged along. after the movie she cut out seafood and started reading up on factory farms and conscious eating. now shes a full-blown veggie. i didnt have to do anything. i just invited her to be a part of my leisure time, enjoy each others company…i didnt have to get anywhere near the soapbox. all in due time…and organically was her shift to conscious eating that bloomed. thanks for your blog…
Hi Minna,
Documentaries are a great way to introduce the ideas we care about. I watched a few documentaries with my parents, and I think that really helped them think more deeply about the issues. Thanks so much for sharing your story, it’s truly inspiring to hear about these moments.
Lynn, your anecdote says so much. We don’t listen or change until we’re ready to. I went to a very liberal college (UCSC, actually) in which I was surrounded by very passionate, very preachy people: militant vegans, environmentalists, and anti-war people (ironically enough). As a result, it completely turned me off a lot of these things. I’d always intended to go vegetarian the minute I left home, but having people protesting in the cafeteria that meat was murder provoked me to grab a hamburger. It was only after graduating that I had enough space to think for myself about what I supported.
Because I know how I respond to preaching, I also try to avoid preaching online or off. I’m not sure what I do instead. Whine about how hard it is to be green?
If anything, I try to encourage people to think about issues in different, sometimes complex ways and reach their own conclusions. It’s my own process for change. No idea if it’s actually effective for other people.
Interesting story about your experience at UCSC. I wonder if it has to do with a hipster attitude? You know, the hipster farmer culture really turns me off, and it is rather prevalent in SF. Makes me not want to go community gardening sometimes…
I support you for thinking through the issues in your own space and time, rather than following the trends. I would do the same. You definitely encourage people to think about issues in different and complex ways. I always worry that complexity confuses people, but reality is reality, no sense in shying away from it. I think your perspective is effective for some, but not necessarily others. But that’s good. I think everyone should go with what they’re good at, rather than trying to reach everyone. Trying to attract people who aren’t on your wavelength seems to only cost more time and energy while producing less results.
Lynn,
Excellent post…love the “not in a receptive mindset” picture. I too am trying not to preach, it’s hard but leading by example and inspiring people are challenges worth living for.
I would like to play devil’s advocate for one moment. If someone is “peeing in my swimming pool” I am going to ask them to stop! We only have one world. Once things get destroyed the damage is done. That’s my drinking water. I want it clean. The same goes for pollution, landfill, etc….it needs to change quickly and sometimes a sharp or gentle reminder makes someone think twice.
Balance is probably the answer leading by example and raising awareness is certainly more effective but sometimes you have to be a “bad guy” to be good!
Thanks, Stephen! It is definitely hard to lead by example.
You’re definitely right about the sharp or gentle reminder – one cannot always remain silent. I definitely speak up if it affects me – if someone hands me conventional soap I refuse and explain that it gives me eczema. Though I should learn to speak up if it affects the environment as well. The best way is probably by saying I read about the facts somewhere, and using this hurts the air because of so-and-so. It seems I can’t do this at every opportunity presented, since that could get overwhelming. Balance is definitely the answer! And it is so much harder than it sounds.
I recently went on a roadtrip with a group of girls, girls who ate what they wanted not really being mindful of what they were putting in their bodies. Just by being around them and seeing how healthy and how much energy I had made them start asking questions. I am the same way you are, I don’t tell people how to eat. If they ask I will tell them why I eat the way I do, but I never preach my lifestyle. Everyone is different and my lifestyle may not work for them. That’s fine.
The girls in the car were so interested in my way of life (vegan,gluten-free) that they are trying to shift their unhealthy lifestyle to a more healthy one. I am so happy that I could help them along this journey. They call and email me to ask questions. I even help them go grocery shopping. It is neat to know that I inspired them without forcing it upon. They all made the decision for themselves and for what their bodies needed.
Now, a co-worker is asking me to put together a meal plan for him… the healthy word spreads all on it’s own.
That’s so great you were able to inspire them simply by being you! Thanks for sharing your story. I have been so uplifted by everyone’s success stories.
Great post!
While on the one hand, my friends don’t excessively consumers/waste/pollute, generally I do a fair bit more than they do in terms of living sustainably. So I try really hard not to preach, because I’m sure they’ll just tune out. I use a passive approach of sharing facts without pushing a particular behaviour. That way, they can decide what the most appropriate thing is for them to do – something that suits where they’re at and what they feel comfortable with.
That being said, I attended a two-day workshop on Community-Based Social Marketing, which is a brilliant approach to getting the public to adopt greener behaviours.
Good for you on sharing facts! I should try your approach sometime. How was the workshop? I’ve read about CBSM! It sounds like an awesome idea!
I’m glad you’ve heard of it, because I felt somewhat cheated never to have been told about it during my four years studying psychology! It’s actually the perfect theory for me with my educational background in psychology and my passion for the environment.
The workshop was definitely worth the time and money. I learned more than I would have by just reading the book. Dr. McKenzie-Mohr is a really good speaker, too! I’d love to make use of this approach at my new job, but we just don’t have the time or resources to devote to a serious CBSM program.
Cool! I am fascinated by the psychology of the environment – how people perceive the environment, what makes them realize their connection to it and begin to consciously care?
I felt discouraged when I thought about how much time and energy has to be devoted to a true CBSM program. I read that to encourage sustainable lifestyle changes, one needs a program devoted to each little change, and that seemed so daunting.
Yeah, it’s really meant for organizations with a big staff and healthy budget! Individuals like us need to settle for more informal strategies…
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Dear Lynn, this is just astounding. I am blown away by the depth of your wisdom. I loved it all but this part just blew me away:
“I see now that this view is too simplistic, and does not acknowledge the rich depths of human complexity. I am very passionate, that is my natural state of being. I don’t wish to speak for the sake of proving my passion. I speak for a different purpose: to be heard. I wish to inspire real change. And real change never happens easily – it is full of complexity.”
This is so true. We often don’t achieve much by hammering people, or by “shaming” them. As I read this I thought, people who are the BEST teachers are those we teach by example. They live their truth. You are amazing at doing this. I have the deepest respect for you. People need to not feel they are “bad”, “wrong”, etc. Most of us have been made feel this way all our lives. So if we do this to others we more than likely push them away, shut them down, and never get out message across. It is something I’ve learned as well.
You have a great passion, and a great wisdom in you. I am just honored to call you my friend. So proud of you. I put this on my facebook wall and on twitter. People on my facebook page are loving your work.
Thank you from my heart for all you do and are. Hugs, Robin
Robin, thank you so much! You are so right that most of us have been made to feel ‘bad’ or ‘wrong’ our whole lives – I still battle this negative self-perception every day. I feel loved and empowered by your support and friendship – thank you.